can you believe this crap?! from the papers of diana freeburg

worlds most fascinating college graduate

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Dear Diary,
I found out today that someone that I worked with in the Bon last yearat school killed himself over the summer. He was this old dishwasher guy who didn't have any friends or family. His name was Bob. All I remember about Bob is that he smelled extremely bad and wore a dark blue uniform that no one else in the kitchen wore. He was really grumpy looking, I never got up the nerve to talk to him. This makes me really sad. He had a really lonely life and didn't want to live it anymore. It's really too bad. America, please take a minute for Bob.
Love,
Diana

Friday, November 18, 2005

Dear Diary,
Sometimes life kicks you in the face with soccer cleats and the words just don't come. I used to be so good at this, what happened? maybe we shouldn't go there...
I was in the math skills center, and one of the tutors was telling me that she has a roommate that makes about 20 bucks an hour playing online poker. I can't even fathom this. Getting paid, pretty well at that, to play stupid online games that used to be just a time waster. Now a viable career move? Online poker. I'm wasting my time here in college, obviously.
I worked concessions at the women's basketball game tonight, apparently it was really hot in the gym because all we sold was bottled water. So we made back all the money we were wasting on heating the gym in bottled water sales. phew.
Love,
Diana

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Dear Diary,
I've been reading some short stories lately, and I'm realizing that writing them must not be that hard. You just have to invent a person who has some quirky characteristic, eleven toes or something. Then you have to introduce this persons mediocre lover who isn't likeable for some reason or another. Then the person goes on a brief journey or has a strange encounter. The person then decides that life is hard, or bears poop in the woods, and voila- a new york times magazine short story is born. yeah, there might be more to it than that, but not a whole lot.
No more today, sorry america.
Love,
Diana

Monday, November 14, 2005

Dear Diary,
Nicole Richie wrote a book. I read an excerpt online and it is truly the most embarassing piece of writing that I've ever seen published by a publisher as major as Harper Collins. Really terrible. But at least we know that she actually wrote it, it's that bad.
My mom bought a Volvo today. She had to wait until the only time this fall that i will be away from home for ten whole days and then go buy the sweetest car ever WITHOUT me. I went to the Volvo website and "built my own" custom S60 that is just like I imagine the new one is. It's white and beautiful. I feel like a new grandparent who is 7 states away from being able to visit the new bundle of joy. excited, yet slightly annoyed.
There's this class offered at my school in the spring called "creative non fiction" and I was like, hmm if that's not the dumbest idea for a class that I've ever heard.... Then I realized that this website is my favorite thing to do and it IS creative non fiction. So this little idea started growing in my head, maybe i should take this class?! More than anything, it would probably make this website harder to write. I'd get all elitist.
Love,
Diana