can you believe this crap?! from the papers of diana freeburg

worlds most fascinating college graduate

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Dear Diary,
You know how sometimes you finally get around to buying something, and then it turns out you never need it? Like for instance you buy sunglasses in seattle, and then it rains for the next 26 days straight. Well here's an example of the complete opposite. I finally got a snowboarding helmet a while ago, not thinking that I needed it because I'm not big on jumps and stuff. But then I went snowboarding today, and fell on my head 100+ times. So many times I tumbled town Crystal Mountain. Thinking the same thing every time, in the same Eeyore voice: "Here we go again..." Well that's not completely true. A couple times I was thinking: "Go Diana go! Don't fall here Diana! If you fall in this flat powdery spot you will never get out!" And then of course what happens? I choke. While attempting to stand up in several feet of soft snow I just dig myself a Diana sized hole and get a generous amount down my pants. Then I unclip my snowboard and accept defeat. When this happens, the best part about that is the huge crater that is left over, making it immediately obvious what happened to the casual observer. Snowboarder cuts through an untouched flat mass of powder. Snowboarder falls on face. Snowboarder struggles to get up, thus, big crater. Snowboarder trudges out of powder with great difficulty. falls down again. Finally makes it groomed part of run, where snowboarder should have been all along. I just leave my dignity in the car when I go snowboarding. Makes the whole process eaiser.
Tomorrow, college!
Love,
Diana

Friday, January 13, 2006

Dear Diary,
I am finally going to reap the benefits of all of this rain when I go shred up Crystal mountain tomorrow. The plan was originally to go to Baker, but it got so much snow that it closed. that hardly seems fair. Some avalanche BS. they act like avalanches are dangerous or something. Where's the sense of adventure?
Today was my last day at Capers for quite a while. I can't say that I'm sad about it. i mean i love working there but college is way more fun. Let's think about my needs, you know? Not your needs for a tuna sandwich.
I messed up my sudoku puzzle that I was working on. That always puts me in a sour mood. I was on a roll, and then all of a sudden i had two 3s in the same column. Damn. I'm going to bed now so I can get up to snowboard at the crack of dawn.
Love,
Diana

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Dear Diary,
Do you want to know what happens when I have a day off of work? absolutely. nothing. This break is getting to me. What on earth do retired people do? To make matters worse, all three of our cats have been lounging in my room practically 24/7. I'm turning into a crazy cat lady whos main hobby is maniacally checking her e-mail to see if any of her books have sold on amazon marketplace. Both today and yesterday packing books to mail to Tenessee or Pennsylvania has been the hilight of my day. I'm quite handy with the brown paper from grocery bags and some packing tape. I would be quite pleased to recieve one of my packages
One bazillion dianafreeburg.com pencils are coming soon from oriental trading, thanks to my darling brother. I will of course send them to all my adoring fans, since I like posting parcels so much.
24 days of rain now?
Love,
Diana

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Dear Diary,
I was watching "the fabulous life of celebrity couples" and saw the most appalling thing yet. Kobe Bryant got his wife a Lambourgini with an automatic transmission. They don't make those. He got it specially made. It's the only one in the whole world with an automatic transmission. You know what I would do, if I didn't already know how to drive a stick, and someone gave me an Lambourgini? I would LEARN. This is easily the most sacriligious thing I've seen in a while. It takes a lot to get me to turn off the TV when "the fabulous life" is on. But clearly I had no choice.
I went to Goodwill today to get rid of some stuff. I brought a bunch of crap that I didn't care about, but at the last minute I threw in my moose stuffed animal, affectionately known as "Mooseboy," thinking that I needed to try to get rid of some of my extensive stuffed animal collection. I mean, crap, I'm 20 years old. Who wants to date a girl with more plush toys than friends? As I was driving away from Goodwill, I looked back in the rearview mirror, and saw Mooseboy, lying facedown in a shopping bag, surrounded by crap. He was getting rained on, and the crap-sorter men were ignoring him. I was thisclose to turning around and going to rescue him. But how would that have looked? Me frantically hanging a U-turn, pulling up to the crap-drop and jumping out of the Aerostar- "I made a mistake! A terrible mistake!" I would have pushed one of the skeezy men out of the way and grabbed Mooseboy from the bag of crap. Then I would have sprinted to the car, buckled him into the passenger seat and we could have made our getaway. Mooseboy would then have said, "Sweet Jesus, Diana, don't let THAT happen again!" I would have apologized profusely, then we could have gone to get bubble tea together. This isn't what happened though. Instead I drove home along the wide and personalityless street that is 4th avenue, hit several potholes, and felt sad. Sad that I felt like I coulndn't have Mooseboy in my life anymore. Sad about lots of stuff.
23 days of Seattle rain and counting.
Love,
Diana

Monday, January 09, 2006

Dear Diary,
Today I work I saw something funny. So it was this morning, it was just me behind the counter, grabbing coffee for the ususal 8:00 am old people crowd. They're ususally a quiet bunch. But today there was an alarmingly loud cell phone that started ringing. This never happens. This is not the type of crowd that has cell phones. The owner of the cell phone then stood up in the middle of the cafe, and tried desparately to wrestle it out of its plastic baggie. He almost missed the call because he couldn't get the phone out of its baggie. After he finished his very loud phone call, I had to know, "Hey Coach, why's your phone in a plastic baggie?" the answer: "It's raining!" I guess the question is, why wasn't MY cell phone in a plastic baggie? I've noticed that old people, or "the olds" as they are affectionately known sometimes at my work, put absolutely everything in plastic baggies.
I wonder what I'll be doing when I am 75 that will make my grandkids smile and shake their heads. "Ohh that Grandma Diana, always on facebook.com! And I can't believe she still has that old car from 2055, when she could be taking the solar powered hovercraft."
Love,
Diana