can you believe this crap?! from the papers of diana freeburg

worlds most fascinating college graduate

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Dear Diary,
Somebody take a picture. Diana is doing homework on a Saturday. A Saturday night no less. And she will be doing homework on a Sunday as well. She's going to be doing homework until the end of time...
I was talking to someone yesterday that said she knew someone at NYU who got paid a hundred bucks to write one of the Olsen twin's papers. That would be really amazing, BUT, I don't believe it though. I'm not that gullible.
Last night I went out with the catering crowd to Red Robin. It was probably one of the best experiences of all of our lives. I ate my entire dessert. All by myself. Anyone who has been to Red Robin knows what a feat this is. This morning I had an ice cream hangover. But it hurt so good.
Love,
Diana

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Dear Diary,
As of right now I am CPR/First Aid certified. I thought that gaining this credential would put me one step closer to feeling superior to everybody else, but thus far I don't feel anything. We got to watch a lot of mini-videos about awful things happening to people, and how the person who was trained in CPR/First Aid handled the situations with finesse. I'm fairly confident that I could perform the necessary duties under pressure. The instructor said that the best place in America to have a heart attack is in Las Vegas. There are defibulators all over the casinos there and a lot of the security guards are EMTs. Apparently people win thousands of dollars and then have heart attacks quite often then. You have a 60% chance of living after going into full cardiac arrest in Las Vegas and only 6% chance of living if you are else where in the US. But on the other hand, 75% of all statistics are completely fabricated by the person who is sharing them.
Love,
Diana

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Dear Diary,
After calling three of my friends and leaving messages on their cellphones, all i can do with my self is look at my cell phone and will it to ring. Another way Diana is using her time wisely in college.
I bought a bottle of "smartwater" today. It's supposed to hydrate you faster than regular water because it has electrolytes. I didn't know that water not hydrating you fast enough was such a dire problem but apparently it is. Thank god that is all figured out before it got out of control, all the dehydrated people passing out and stuff... This is why I'm not going into sales, because i would hate to spend all of my time being phony and trying to convince vendors why electrolyte water is better than regular water.
Yoga in one hour, I can't wait.
Love,
Diana

Monday, April 18, 2005

Dear Diary,
I live a life of danger. Today I fell asleep in the library with gum in my mouth. Doesn't that seem dangerous? I could have choked in my sleep. By Wednesday I will be CPR and First Aid certified though, and so I'll be more prepared to save myself from these sorts of situations.
I have to go make pots for the last time now. I am pretty sad that my romance with the wheel is ending tonight. It's been fun but all good things come to an end. On the brighter side, all bad things come to an end too. Now if only my finals and papers would come to an end.
Love,
Diana

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Dear Diary,
Another exhilerating weekend flown by too fast. back to the grindstone for me.
I made my best pots ever today. I thought that i was getting really good at throwing, but then i realized that i had just switched to a more forgiving clay. I'm pretty sure i have about 6 wrapped up pieces scattered randomly around the ceramics room that i have forgotten about/abandoned.
#2 and I picked out and then visited our new room for next year tonight. It is currently filled with empty cans of Pabst. The girls were really friendly. Apparently it was quite the party dorm this year. We have a grand tradition to live up to. I am mostly just estatic that there is a suite style bathroom and I will never have to fear walking in on a boy taking care of his business. Call me old fashioned, but I see zero net benefits in a co-ed bathroom situation. Is nothing sacred any more?
Love,
Diana