Dear Diary,
Okay internet world, how come only three hits today!? Doesn't anyone miss me? I miss each and every one of you, why don't you guys give me the same love? Needless to say I am hurt.
Love,
Diana
P.S. My birthday is September 29th

Dear Diary,
When I grow up and start having babies, I am going to make mobiles to put above their cradles that are made of pictures of blackened lungs and people with holes in their throats so my babies NEVER think it's a good idea to start smoking. I'm pretty sure that this should have the desired effect.
Love,
Diana

Dear Diary,
I think that lately i have become a much more patient person. I am trying to look at the bright side of things, you may have noticed that from cheerful tone to my blogging. In all actuality, i am not the most cheerful person lately.
I also think that the world would be a much cuter place if people did not pierce the area between their nostrils so they can hang hoops from the middle of their face. Why would someone intentionally try to look like a cow?
Love,
Diana

I ran my whale spork through the washer and dryer, and look! he is as pristine as ever! Have you ever seen a beluga so happy and fresh?

Dear Diary,
My parents are going to be here in a matter of minutes bearing zucchini bread and my moose belt, i am so excited, my pants have been falling down for weeks.
love,
Diana

Dear Diary,
My hit counter has been telling me that 4.76% of the people who visit my website are from Germany. Who are these Germans? I know no Germans. So if you are in Germany right now, and reading this, make yourself known! pop me an e-mail, or as we say in america. "holla atcha boy".
In my opinion, every person who knows me should be checking my website daily for updates on my life. So how come only 2 hits today so far, people?! I know it's not because i'm not fascinating, because I am. Is it the font? Too plain jane?
Love,
Diana

has anyone seen my roommate? it's been 4 and a half hours!

hello internet world! I thought you all might be curious as to what color shirt I was wearing today, so now you know! red!

Dear Diary,
Today it was raining cats and dogs, and i was so excited because i have this Lewis and Clark poncho that i haven't gotten to wear yet. But OF COURSE it stopped raining right when I was ready to leave the dorm room. Under any other circumstances this wouldn't have been annoying. Isn't that a conumdrum. I don't know what a conumdrum is so it might not be one.
Love,
Diana

Dear Diary,
You know what's not necessary? Sitting next to the washing machine the whole time your clothes are being washed. it's in the freaking basement of our dorm! Do you really think that someone is going to steal your clothes? Unless you wear Burberry panties I don't think you have anything to worry about! so here's some advice for all of you. As soon as your clothes are in the washer, go up to your room and have a beer or something for the 45 minutes it takes to wash them. then come back and move them to the dryer. go up to your room and have another beer. Then come get your clothes. That's what I do. It's really much better i promise.
Write me an e-mail afterwards and tell me how it goes.
Love,
Diana